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MIND THE GAP

9/24/2014

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Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly (I told you we would return to it) overall discusses this idea that we must be willing to experience vulnerable situations and BE vulnerable in order to live a little happier and succeed in life. Vulnerability leads to trusting relationships and overall greater gains despite any setbacks that may occur along the way. 

Living in London I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter on minding the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Vulnerability and daring greatly come into play when we are willing to step out of our comfort zone in order to experience professional or personal growth. 

WHO ARE YOU?

To mind the gap between who we are and who we want to be we must, first, figure out who we are. It's important to remember that you will never 100% know who you are. That's a myth we tell ourselves, but it's important to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and understand to some degree where you fit in in the world. We've all gone through that phase where we tried fitting into a mold that didn't fit us and, eventually, we learn that it is best to just be ourself. These experiences help us fit into our correct mold. I think we have to figure out who we aren't in order to figure out who we might be. This is not to say that we should try to change who we are. I'm simply saying that we must have a certain level of self-awareness so that we can 1) effectively network and market ourselves to potential employers and 2) steer our lives in the direction that WE choose and no one else. 

This is a defining decade for us. Now don’t let that scare you. We all change and grow throughout life, but many of the decisions that we make throughout the next few years will shape who we become and the path our life takes. 

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? 

By determining who we are now we can pave a path towards the person we want to become. We can make the decisions that will get us safely over the gap. This self-awareness will help you decide who you want to be throughout your life. The person you want to become. What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? What kind of parent do you want to be? What kind of lover? What kind of employee? Manager? These are things we must ask ourselves now, as young professionals. 

MIND THE GAP BETWEEN

Minding the gap does not mean that we need to invent a new way to get to the other side. It simply means to be aware of where you are stepping. To make the decisions that will make us the happiest over the long haul of our life. At some point we have to start looking beyond Friday night. We must look at the effect of our decisions on our life as a WHOLE. As we enter our third decade we are no longer allowed to think of ourselves as invincible. We must realize that we are fragile, vulnerable creatures that require certain things in order to not only survive this life we are given, but live a full life as well. These necessities are the gap that must be minded. Will you mind the gap or simply stay on one side? 

How do you work to understand yourself? What steps are you taking to become who you want to be? 

Check out my post Good Enough to read about Brené's philosophy on our culture of scarcity. 
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Good Enough

9/19/2014

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My room here in Kingston is small. It is on the third floor so the windows are parallel with the roof, which basically means that they’re slanted. (They’re actually quite cool! The big one opens up instead of out and has stairs leading up to it. You can sit on the window seal and see for miles!). It is the only room in my flat that cannot fit a double bed and the “desk” is really just a chair in front of a high shelf. 

When my roommates and I realized that one of the rooms was significantly larger than another we began the great debate of who was going to get which room. One girl is studying fashion design and, very fairly, pointed out that she will need room for her mannequin, sewing stuff, fabric, and space so she can spread out and work. As a business student my lack of supplies cannot argue with her abundance of them. After we all proclaimed that we needed any room BUT the smallest room I put my big girl britches on and claimed this oversized closet.

Over the past week I have been able to make it more homely and less sterile (The creme walls and light tan floors are only SLIGHTLY darker than a hospital white, the pictures make them look more yellow than they really are. Don't be fooled). 

I have spent a few hours perched on the stairs under the window with Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly (which is fabulous may I add). In the very first chapter she discusses our “culture of scarcity.” We are taught that we are never enough, we never have enough, we can never do enough and this leads to a variety of problems. Couple this scarcity culture with some good ol' consumerism and we pile on the belongings and feelings of unworthiness like a fat kid at the toppings bar in SweetFrogs. We either give up all hope or, worse, become a perfectionist.

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Brené explains that in order to live a more fulfilled life we must be content with “good enough.” We must recognize that not everyone is going to like us, and that we may not have the skills for a certain task. The happiest people are the ones who are content with a few imperfections. They do their best and when it is enough they set their boundaries and go about life. They do not obsess over every detail. They do not stare in their flatmates’ rooms with envy. 

As a perfectionist I find it INCREDIBLY hard to be content with “good enough.” There is ALWAYS something else that could have been done. Perfectionism only leads to stress and anxiety. As 20-somethings we must try to set these boundaries before they’re even laid. If we do this I think we’ll find happiness a little more quickly. 

I have looked at my flatmates rooms and I have to say one thing with honest conviction. My room is just enough for me. 
My friends will have to sleep on the couch when they visit from the States and I probably couldn’t have an early morning yoga session in here. But it fits all of the things that I brought over and theres even a little bit of room in the wardrobe for the booties I’ve been eyeing in town. I'm ready to travel this road of "enough" to become happier and my oversized closet is just enough for me. Will you take this road with me? I promise it'll be worth it. 





I'm sure there will be more posts discussing Brené's book (This small blurb does not even BEGIN to describe her research); however, if you're interested in learning more about her and her work on vulnerability here on some great links: 
Blog
TedTalk 
Book


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Love Your Body

7/14/2014

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As a 20-something woman there are a few things we must realize in regards to beauty and body size: 
     1) There are younger girls looking up to us for guidance. We are the ones teaching them how to find value in their bodies. We are the ones teaching them what beautiful is. 
     2) You are too old to be swayed by the media. If you are not questioning the images in the media, then you did not learn enough in college. If you should learn one thing in college it is to think for yourself and question the things around you. 
      3) Its time to grow up. You can no longer blame anybody else for your own health or body issues. 

I have struggled with body dismorphia issues since the 7th grade. Almost ten years later I have this to say: we need to stop teaching girls that beauty is equated with body size and I mean all body sizes. Skinny is not necessarily pretty nor is it always healthy. Some people ARE more petite than others. They may also have a faster metabolism, but it is an injustice to teach them that they are beautiful because they are small. This is not always the case, but they could potentially be engaging is some very unhealthy practices that keep their body that size.

On the other hand, it’s an even bigger injustice to teach girls that are overweight or obese that their bodies are beautiful. I think that these girls are mentally healthy and I will support confidence in your body size until the day I die; however, these girls are not physically healthy. They are potentially killing themselves very, very slowly. They’re increasing their risks of diabetes, hypertension and other diseases. I also don’t want to support a super muscular body as beautiful either. These athletes put a lot of stress on their bodies and may not be able to maintain that sort of lifestyle for a lifetime.

In fact, I don’t want to support ANY body size as beautiful because at the end of the day each person defines beauty in a slightly different way. Yes, there are cultural norms, but everyone’s brain is programmed differently and we must recognize that.
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What I DO want to support is health. Physical and mental health. A healthy weight. A healthy heart. Healthy muscles and joints. Healthy confidence levels. A healthy amount of self-esteem. 

This is a cliché, but the sooner it becomes a truth in your mind the better, we come in all shapes and sizes. Thigh gaps are almost solely determined by the width of your hip bones. There are many of us who will NEVER have one.

I’m not going to tell you to lose weight. Or that you need to be a certain size. I’m also not going to tell you that you need to be able to run a half-marathon or deadlift more than you weigh. I AM going to tell you to eat more healthy foods, to workout in some way. Whatever YOU like and whatever will help YOU be the healthiest version of yourself. Get out there and move your body. You don’t have to go on the paleo diet or do crossfit 6 days a week to be healthy. Eat ice cream or cake or your favorite candy every once in a while. Just don’t eat them all the time. You’ll actually come to enjoy them more. Eat with your appetite (i.e. when you’re hungry).

Don’t worry about your weight. It is just a number, especially if you do start lifting weights. You won’t lose a lot of weight because you’ll be gaining muscle, but your body WILL change. I promise all you size 0s that you can pick up a bar and not look like a muscle woman. Lifting weights will NOT make you bulky unless you intend it to. It takes a very specific diet plan to make you really bulk up.

Yes, I did crossfit (still do it when I get the chance). I really enjoy running and yoga and just moving in general. I have a lot of energy and exercise is the easiest way for me to get rid of it. I do also attempt to eat healthy on a regular basis, but I also eat ice cream and drink wine every week. My only “diet” is eating healthy foods and restricting fast foods. I don’t weigh myself. Period. Point black. End of story. I refuse to define my value by a number on a machine. After these ten years of struggling with my body I have learned that when I focus on my health and not being a certain size, weight, or even “beautiful” that I am the happiest.

I hope you can find the same happiness in your own health. 
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    Author: MoRiah

    20 Something. Traveler. Student. Adult? 

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