As a 20-something woman there are a few things we must realize in regards to beauty and body size: 
     1) There are younger girls looking up to us for guidance. We are the ones teaching them how to find value in their bodies. We are the ones teaching them what beautiful is. 
     2) You are too old to be swayed by the media. If you are not questioning the images in the media, then you did not learn enough in college. If you should learn one thing in college it is to think for yourself and question the things around you. 
      3) Its time to grow up. You can no longer blame anybody else for your own health or body issues. 

I have struggled with body dismorphia issues since the 7th grade. Almost ten years later I have this to say: we need to stop teaching girls that beauty is equated with body size and I mean all body sizes. Skinny is not necessarily pretty nor is it always healthy. Some people ARE more petite than others. They may also have a faster metabolism, but it is an injustice to teach them that they are beautiful because they are small. This is not always the case, but they could potentially be engaging is some very unhealthy practices that keep their body that size.

On the other hand, it’s an even bigger injustice to teach girls that are overweight or obese that their bodies are beautiful. I think that these girls are mentally healthy and I will support confidence in your body size until the day I die; however, these girls are not physically healthy. They are potentially killing themselves very, very slowly. They’re increasing their risks of diabetes, hypertension and other diseases. I also don’t want to support a super muscular body as beautiful either. These athletes put a lot of stress on their bodies and may not be able to maintain that sort of lifestyle for a lifetime.

In fact, I don’t want to support ANY body size as beautiful because at the end of the day each person defines beauty in a slightly different way. Yes, there are cultural norms, but everyone’s brain is programmed differently and we must recognize that.

What I DO want to support is health. Physical and mental health. A healthy weight. A healthy heart. Healthy muscles and joints. Healthy confidence levels. A healthy amount of self-esteem. 

In our overly connected world we have lost the art of solitude; the ability to simply exist in a space by ourselves without the need or even urge to interact with other humans. The 20-something generation and the ones who have come after us are constantly connected in such a manner that it is almost sin-like to not be communicating directly or indirectly with another person. We are scared to spend time alone. When we ARE alone we are texting, calling, tweeting or posting. I’m not sure if this should even be considered being “alone.” We must spend time with ourselves every so often. To spend time loving and knowing yourself is, perhaps, one of life’s greatest victories.

Being alone allows you to take off that mask that we all wear. You know the one that is your “true self”? Or sometimes it’s the “fake it until I make it” mask. We can completely relax and allow our emotions to come forth. You don’t have to smile for anybody. You don’t have to worry about etiquette and you don’t have to wear a bra or underwear for that matter. Being alone allows us to love ourselves. We can finally focus on our own mental health and simply breathe. When you can be alone, then you can be with others without using them. They are not a consistent crutch, nor a means of escape. 

Some things are truly better alone. While they are also really great with other people I think that we should all spend time dining, sitting in a coffee shop, and traveling without any intentional company. By the time that your 20-something decade has come to an end you should be able to eat in a sit down restaurant by yourself and not feel uncomfortable. Of course, the first time will be awkward, but after a few more times you’ll come to enjoy ordering whatever you want and feeling the independence of paying for it yourself.  A meal is quite different when enjoyed alone. 

That goes for a hot cup of coffee as well. Coffee shops are meant for both the socialites and the lone wolves. Every so often break away from the pack and adventure on your own. Sit in a quiet corner of your favorite coffee shop and journal, read, or simply watch the world go by. I make a point of finding an obscure, organic, or beautiful coffee shop in all the cities I visit. I find sitting alone with a good cup of coffee and my journal to be the most freeing thing I experience. The quiet time you spend with your own cup of dark ambrosia may be the most important thing you do all week. 

I also urge you to travel alone at some point. Travel far and wide and, then, do it by yourself. 

I flew to Paris by myself last summer. I didn’t speak French and couldn’t even book a hotel room until I got there. It was the scariest and most incredible adventure I have ever been on. Paris stands out in my mind like no other city because I saw it alone. I chose my daily schedule. I chose what and where I ate. I didn’t have to listen to anyone complain when I walked an hour and a half in the wrong direction down the Seine. I got to truly experience Paris and determine what it meant to ME and nobody else. I now have the desire to return to that beautiful city with someone else and show them the Paris that I found. Traveling alone allows you to make the city or country your own. It becomes a place of refuge and not a place of escape.

Finding time to have solitude will lead you to greater independence and a greater sense of self. Put down your cell phone. Grab a journal or a good book to read and experience YOU. 

What do you like to do alone? How does spending time for yourself contribute to your overall mental health?