My timeline posts fit into one of three categories. 1) people getting engaged 2) people getting married and 3) people who went to the wedding. I sit back on my couch in an oversized sweatshirt, leggings, and messy bun and think "thank God I'm single." I'm very excited for all of these people who are taking this step in their relationship, but can't help but think of all of the other things that I can do without a significant other. So here they are: 13 things to do besides get engaged. 

1- Have a one night stand (nobody's going to get upset with you).
2- Learn a new language. 
3- Eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while binge watching episodes of Sherlock Holmes (or whatever you show of choice is). 
4- Start a new hobby.
5- Go to a different country (and meet a cute boy...or girl). 
6- Date yourself.
7- Plan your wedding on pinterest (because its kind of weird once you're in a relationship). 
8- Not shave your legs for a week or two or three.
9- Buy lingerie for yourself (because you deserve to look good!). 
10- Finally read all of the books on your booklist.
11- Learn to cook (because we all know you’re tired of ramen and take away).
12- Sleep diagonally!
13- Eat all of the ice cream/popcorn. Drink all of the wine. Basically, don't share with anyone...like ever. 

In our overly connected world we have lost the art of solitude; the ability to simply exist in a space by ourselves without the need or even urge to interact with other humans. The 20-something generation and the ones who have come after us are constantly connected in such a manner that it is almost sin-like to not be communicating directly or indirectly with another person. We are scared to spend time alone. When we ARE alone we are texting, calling, tweeting or posting. I’m not sure if this should even be considered being “alone.” We must spend time with ourselves every so often. To spend time loving and knowing yourself is, perhaps, one of life’s greatest victories.

Being alone allows you to take off that mask that we all wear. You know the one that is your “true self”? Or sometimes it’s the “fake it until I make it” mask. We can completely relax and allow our emotions to come forth. You don’t have to smile for anybody. You don’t have to worry about etiquette and you don’t have to wear a bra or underwear for that matter. Being alone allows us to love ourselves. We can finally focus on our own mental health and simply breathe. When you can be alone, then you can be with others without using them. They are not a consistent crutch, nor a means of escape. 

Some things are truly better alone. While they are also really great with other people I think that we should all spend time dining, sitting in a coffee shop, and traveling without any intentional company. By the time that your 20-something decade has come to an end you should be able to eat in a sit down restaurant by yourself and not feel uncomfortable. Of course, the first time will be awkward, but after a few more times you’ll come to enjoy ordering whatever you want and feeling the independence of paying for it yourself.  A meal is quite different when enjoyed alone. 

That goes for a hot cup of coffee as well. Coffee shops are meant for both the socialites and the lone wolves. Every so often break away from the pack and adventure on your own. Sit in a quiet corner of your favorite coffee shop and journal, read, or simply watch the world go by. I make a point of finding an obscure, organic, or beautiful coffee shop in all the cities I visit. I find sitting alone with a good cup of coffee and my journal to be the most freeing thing I experience. The quiet time you spend with your own cup of dark ambrosia may be the most important thing you do all week. 

I also urge you to travel alone at some point. Travel far and wide and, then, do it by yourself. 

I flew to Paris by myself last summer. I didn’t speak French and couldn’t even book a hotel room until I got there. It was the scariest and most incredible adventure I have ever been on. Paris stands out in my mind like no other city because I saw it alone. I chose my daily schedule. I chose what and where I ate. I didn’t have to listen to anyone complain when I walked an hour and a half in the wrong direction down the Seine. I got to truly experience Paris and determine what it meant to ME and nobody else. I now have the desire to return to that beautiful city with someone else and show them the Paris that I found. Traveling alone allows you to make the city or country your own. It becomes a place of refuge and not a place of escape.

Finding time to have solitude will lead you to greater independence and a greater sense of self. Put down your cell phone. Grab a journal or a good book to read and experience YOU. 

What do you like to do alone? How does spending time for yourself contribute to your overall mental health?

Let's talk about something shallow for a minute....like my love life... or the lack there of. I was slightly attracted to a guy and he was head-over-heels in love with me....okay that's an exaggeration...but in my defense he definitely liked me a lot more. We were never in a relationship, but you would have thought that we were married the way we argued. In the end there was a nasty argument and who knows if we will ever talk to each other on a personal level again. 

The problem could be summed up with one word: POWER. This boy (males never actually become men in my opinion) wanted to control me and I rocked his boat when I didn't bow down at his feet and succumb to his rein. I am a fiercely I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T young woman and the more you try to control me the more independent I behave. I will ABSOLUTELY NOT let a boy dictate my every action. Despite the complex arguments I will enjoy this abeyance without a boy and "will always remember him fondly....as an asshole" (nicely said by my newest celebrity role model Carrie Bradshaw).

Unbeknownst to this power-mongrel I felt EMPOWERED when the last nasty argument was over. I'm pretty sure he expected me to be sitting at home by myself, eating a pint of ice cream and watching sappy love movies. Quite the contrary, I grabbed my heels, a sexy outfit and shared my new found empowerment with some drag queens. 

So I'm back to living the single life. My short-lived absence from this lifestyle afforded me the opportunity to learn a few things.... And we all know I never miss an opportunity to learn something new.

Single life:

There are times in my life when I am so comfortable being single that I wonder if I'm even meant to be married.

Maybe I'm one of those women and, you know what, I'm okay with that. Especially after my new found empowerment. Some people aren't meant to be in a long-term relationship. It's not because they're bad at relationships or defective in some way, it's just that they don't necessarily need someone to complete their life. Maybe they already have enough loving people to share their life with that anymore people would be overwhelming. Maybe they want the ability to love so many people and touch so many lives that having a romantic relationship restricts them.

Finding a significant other is most definitely part of adulthood. If you would have asked my 7 years ago I would have thought that I would at least be engaged by this point in my life. The thing about finding a significant other is that there is no deadline. There is no expiration date. You can be single at any age and find love at any age. 

Romantic life:


We've all heard that the key to a good relationship is communication, NEWS FLASH, it's not the only key and simply communicating is not enough. As I just discovered, you can communicate in the WRONG way and it will hurt the relationship. You don't have to have the exact same communication style as the other person, but there should be similarities. Each person should bend a little for the other. Get out of relationships where the other person expects you to bend over backwards for them. Eventually, all the weight will cause you to fall.

It's also important to remember whom you confide in. Fidelity is just as important in a relationship as communication. If you notice you have a wandering eye, check yourself and ensure that you are truly faithful and attracted to your current significant other.

Lesson #6: You don't need a man to become an adult. What you need are healthy relationships that enhance your life and bring you happiness, comfort and joy.